Am I the toxic leader?

Erica Kesse

Am I the Toxic Leader? A Guide to Self-Reflection and Growth

As a leader, it's important to be aware of the potential for toxic leadership in your professional and personal life. However, it's also important to be aware of the potential for toxic behavior within ourselves. As an executive assistant, an administrator, a member of an executive team, or a mompreneur, it's important to reflect on our own leadership style and ask ourselves the question, "Am I the toxic leader?"

The first step in answering this question is to understand the characteristics of toxic leadership. This might include traits like manipulation, deceit, and control, or specific behaviors like bullying, harassment, and discrimination. It's important to be aware of these red flags and to know what we won't tolerate in ourselves or in a work environment.

It's also important to investigate our own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. A healthy leader will be able to manage their stress, have a good work-life balance, maintain healthy relationships, and take care of their mental and physical health. It's important to take the time to reflect on our own well-being and see if there are any areas that need improvement.

One important step in self-reflection is doing our own self-work. This includes identifying our own personal biases and blind spots, examining our own thought patterns and behaviors, and actively working to improve ourselves. Seeking mentoring, coaching, and counseling for ourselves can also be beneficial in this process.

As you reflect on your own leadership style and ask yourself the question, "Am I the toxic leader?" remember that growth is a process. It's okay to challenge ourselves and to make mistakes along the way. Joining communities like the Transformational Leadership Community on Facebook, where you can connect with other like-minded individuals who understand the importance of self-reflection and growth, can also be beneficial.

In conclusion, It is important to reflect on our own leadership style and ask ourselves the question, "Am I the toxic leader?" Leadership should do no harm, and it is important to understand the characteristics of toxic leadership vs healthy leadership. It is important to investigate our own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It is important to do our own self-work, seek mentoring, coaching, and counseling for ourselves, and remember that growth is a process. Joining communities like the Transformational Leadership Community on Facebook, where you can connect with other like-minded individuals who understand the importance of self-reflection and growth, can also be beneficial.


By Erica Kesse May 4, 2026
In the high-stakes world of startups, "doing" is the ultimate currency. We reward the CEO who has the fastest answer, the most aggressive pivot, and the 80-hour work week. But there is a silent, often overlooked skill that separates the leaders who scale from those who burn out: the ability to hold space. The Fixer Trap Most startup CEOs are natural-born fixers. When a VP comes to you with a mental health struggle or a product flaw, your instinct is to jump in with a solution. You want to "add value." But when you rush to fix, you unintentionally shut down the room. You signal that discomfort is a problem to be eradicated rather than a data point to be explored. Holding space isn't passive—it’s an active leadership discipline. It is the process of providing a "container" where your team feels safe enough to be stuck, wrong, or overwhelmed without being judged or immediately corrected. The ROI of Silence Research suggests that leaders who can stay present without rushing to closure build deeper trust and higher emotional intelligence within their teams Henley Leadership . This isn't just "soft" stuff; it's about staying in your prefrontal cortex—the seat of strategic thought—rather than reacting from your amygdala. Actionable Framework: The O.P.E.N. Method Observe: Notice the energy in the room. Is it "crunchy" or tense? Don't ignore it. Pause: Count to five before responding. Give the other person the "gift of the gap." Embody: Ground yourself. Uncross your arms, maintain eye contact, and drop your shoulders. Your calm is contagious. No-Fixing: Ask, "Do you need me to listen, or do you need me to lead right now?" Startups fail because of people, not just products. If you can’t hold space for the human complexity of your team, you won’t be able to hold the weight of a billion-dollar company.  If you’re ready to master the mental game of leadership, book a consultation to see how executive coaching can sharpen your presence.
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